Imagine a day at school through the eyes of a neurodivergent child, with every sight, sound, and smell amplified - the school day can be physically, emotionally, and mentally draining.. They have been holding it in all day and trying their best to navigate a world that often feels too loud, too bright, and too busy. They have rules to follow, work to complete, and responsibilities to fulfil, and by the time they come home, they may feel exhausted and dysregulated.
These can be seen as after-school meltdowns or tantrums, but for neurodivergent children, this behaviour is a sign of sensory overload and exhaustion. Understanding why this happens and learning effective strategies to help your child can make a significant difference in their daily routine and overall well-being.
Why do Children Experience After-School Dysregulation?
When children come home from school, especially those who are neurodivergent, they may experience "after-school restraint collapse." This happens when they've been holding it together and managing their emotions all day in a structured environment that may not always accommodate their unique needs.
Throughout the school day, children are expected to follow rules, interact socially, process sensory information, and focus on academic tasks. For some children, this constant effort to conform to neurotypical expectations can be exhausting, lacking enough time to play, run and regroup throughout the day. By the time they get home, their ability to self-regulate may be depleted.
Some children need a safe place to release their pent-up emotions and energy. Home represents this safe space where they can finally let their guard down. As a result, parents/guardians may witness meltdowns, increased irritability, or withdrawal as their overwhelmed child attempts to process and decompress from the day's experiences.
This behaviour isn't intentional or a reflection of poor parenting. Instead, it's a sign that your child trusts you enough to show their true feelings and needs your support to regulate after a demanding day.
How to Create a Supportive After-School Environment
By creating a supportive environment, you're giving your child the tools and space they need to regulate effectively and deal with their big feelings, setting the stage for a calmer evening for the whole family.
Create a Sensory-Friendly Space
Set up a designated area in your home where your child can retreat after school. This space should be tailored to their sensory preferences. Build it together, adding comforting items like soft blankets and stuffed animals, as well as calming tools like sensory lighting and fidget tools.
Provide Downtime
Offering space and time to release, recharge and reset is like a deep breath for your child’s mind and body. It is a place where they get to decide how everything feels around them, where they are in control. This downtime is essential for your child to decompress and transition from the structured school environment to the comfort of home.
Stay Connected
While giving your child space to unwind is important, it's equally important to stay connected. Children need to feel safe to let go and slow down, and they feel safest and most secure with you as their parent or guardian. Your presence and availability can provide the emotional support they need during this transition time.
Acknowledge and Respond to Individual Needs
Figure out what they need to recharge their self-regulation, decompress, and feel more grounded and balanced after a long day at school. This might involve quiet activities or physical movement. Every child is unique, so observe them and communicate to understand what works best for them.
Establish a Consistent Routine
Having a predictable after-school routine can support your child to feel more secure and in control. This routine might include a snack, some quiet time, and then a gradual transition into other activities.
Physical Activities for Regulation
Trying to stay on top of your child's regulation after school can be a challenge, but incorporating physical activities into their after-school routine can make a significant difference. The goal is to find physical activities that help your child feel more balanced, focused, and calm after their school day.
Heavy work activities can be beneficial for many neurodivergent children. These activities provide proprioceptive input, which can be calming for the nervous system. Simple exercises like animal walks (bear crawls or crab walks) can engage multiple muscle groups and help them feel more grounded.
Activities including the vestibular senses such as the rhythmic motion of swinging can be very regulating for many children. Controlled spinning in an office chair, on a sit-and-spin toy, or gentle rocking on a balance board can help some children feel more centred and calm.
Therapy balls offer lots of different ways to help with regulation. Sitting and bouncing on a therapy ball can provide vestibular input or give them a deep-pressure massage with the ball to regulate their system and reduce sensory overload.
Jumping activities can work well to release pent-up energy, whether it is after or before school. A mini-trampoline or a full-sized outdoor trampoline can be a fantastic tool for after-school regulation, as rhythmic bouncing can help children reset their sensory systems and improve their focus.
Emotional Regulation Techniques
Many neurodivergent children struggle with managing their emotions after a long day, and learning to regulate emotions takes time and practice. School can be overwhelming, and consistently offering tools and strategies for emotional regulation creates a supportive environment that can help them manage their emotions better.
Using a feelings chart can be a great starting point. This visual aid can help children identify and express what they're feeling, which is often the first step in managing those emotions. Encourage your child to point to or name the emotion they're experiencing so you can understand them better.
For some children, artistic expression can be a valuable outlet for processing emotions. Provide materials for drawing, painting, or sculpting with Play-Doh, as these activities can help children express feelings they might struggle to put into words.
Supporting Executive Function
After school, a child may struggle with executive functioning skills, like planning, organising, initiating tasks, and managing time. These challenges can make transitioning from school to home activities particularly difficult.
When they get home, establish a "home base" system for their important items, like their school bag, shoes, tablet and other items they use every day. Designating a specific spot for them reduces the mental load of remembering where things are and helps establish helpful habits.
Incorporate a visual schedule for the after-school routine using pictures or simple words to outline activities like snack time, homework, playtime, and dinner. Get them to help in creating this schedule to reduce their anxiety about what comes next and allow them that sense of control after a very structured day.
Within this structure, providing choices is hugely beneficial for neurodivergent children. For example, you might say, "It's homework time now. Would you like to start with maths or reading?" This approach supports decision-making skills, letting your child feel in control while maintaining necessary routines.
Using visual timers really helps with time management and transitions. In the same way the school bell will break up their day, timers can help them understand how long they spend doing something, like homework or bathtime, and when they can transition to the next task.
Take the Next Step in Supporting Your Child
At Everyday OT, we're committed to empowering parents with practical strategies to support their children's development and well-being. Our range of sensory tools and resources can help you put these after-school regulation techniques into place with confidence.
For more strategies and insights, follow us on social media, where we share content celebrating neurodiversity and offering supportive ideas for parents and caregivers.
You can also join our ‘Becoming a Sensory Detective’ Webinar to gain a deeper understanding of your child’s sensory profile and learn effective strategies to identify their sensory needs.